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Seen on a phone, the job ad for Upstart Labs Front End Ninja Rock Star Wizard. The team is looking for a CSS ninja. The full ad text is available below. The job ad continues. The team is looking for a JavaScript wizard, familiar with the arcane art of DHTML. The job ad wraps up. The team wants an HTML rock star who can code modern sites that also work in 20 year old browsers. Hue: This job ad is perfect! We’re going to be rolling in great candidates soon. Dito looks at the ad on his phone and smiles.

The Upstart Labs are hiring.

Note: Below is the full text of the Upstart Labs job ad for a front end developer, so those who can't read the images can still read the ad. It should hopefully be obvious, but this is not a real job ad. If you post an ad similar to this, you may want to rethink your hiring methods.

At Upstart Labs, we’re looking for a shadow in the streets, and a ninja in the sheets. The STYLEsheets, that is! If you’re applying for this position, you can slice and dice Bootstraps and Foundations with ease.

You should know:

  • Floating with CSS Grid and flexing with boxes
  • Rounding corners with images
  • The importance of !important
  • Selector nesting (our nests have nests!)
  • Media queries for web, tablet, AND mobile!

You should be a Java Script wizard. You must have at least 15 years of React experience and a mastery of scripting all things Java. You should speak the mystical language of DHTML fluently.

You should know:

  • React, Vue, Angular, jQuery, and jQuery UI
  • How to grunt, gulp, and makeother weird noises
  • How to brew CoffeeScript
  • How to clean dishes and websites with AJAX
  • What everyone is Babeling about
  • How to Jamstack your PB&J
  • How to grow a handlebar mustache
  • Where all the LINT is coming from
  • How to get packages from Santa Node

And finally you must be an HTML Rock Star! Whether it’s table tags or web 2.0, you love programming web sites with the latest technology but you can still support browsers like Netscape Navigator and IE 4.

You should know:

  • XHTML, HTML 1.0 - 5.0
  • XML and XSLT
  • Advanced layouts with tables
  • PHP, Ruby, or Python
  • Sections 500 up to 508
  • Micro- AND macro-formats
  • SEO and meta tag stuffing
  • How to add social network tags
  • Full stack development
  • How to not be a git with Git
  • RESTing and GRAPH(QL)ing with APIs
  • A12y and form optimization
  • WordPress templates